Ken Alone....

As usual the 2 campest characters are providing us with the best stuff this week: Norris and his book, revealing all kinds of secrets about his terrible mother; and Sean and his stuffed cat prank on the lovely but gormless Jason..

Blanche and Deirdre are off to Poland to complete Operation Bionic Hip. At one point Deirdre tries to get Ken to go with them by saying "Well what will you do here on your own?", Ken replies, " I don't know catch up on some solitary pursuits." So that'll be him masturbating in every room of the house then, hope Emily doesn't pop round on the off chance.. "Ken, I've brought you some dinner seeing as you were on your own, GASP!", Ken, "Shit I was right on the vinegar strokes as well then Emily..." (a lovely image for you all there)

Steve's long game with Tracey has come to an abrubt end due to him being unable to keep his gurning in check long enough to con her. Liz is not happy as she will "never get to see Amee again, and I'd bought her first chain mail halter neck as well!". Steve pulls "Why the fuck is this happening to me?" face numbers 12, 234, 19 and 43; all in the space of 5 minutes. The Barlows are up in arms about it, seemingly forgetting that in the last 3 years Tracy has nicked her Gran's boyfriend, pretended to sleep with Roy and then blackmailed him, tried to sell their Grandchild, and basically been one of the most vile human beings on Earth. All Steve is trying to do is get some rights, but somehow he is the villain. Go figure?

Gail is not happy with the amount of housework that Sarah and Scooter are doing, we are not happy with a) the amount of time being given to such a shit storyline and b) the amount Gail looks like ET, only without the redeeming feature of being a nice person/alien. NEXT!

Fred is at war with a local butcher who is muscling in on his patch. This just seems to be the Diggory storyline being recycled and is not very funny, I think a few of the writers must be on holiday as the show has definitely gone downhill a bit recently.

It's Jamie "Robin Asquith" Barlow's birthday so a party is laid on, only to be rudely interrupted by his mother. Long story short, she gets pissed and starts shouting, Bradley Walsh shouts back, everybody leaves, Bradley and Leanne go for a bit of how's your father upstairs. Once again the writers have made a cardinal mistake of introducing emotional plots to characters that we care about not one jot. Jamie is rubbish, his hair is rubbish and his acting is rubbish and we would rather watch him walk off set if that is at all possible, please thankyou?

Roy is building some engineering contraption in his cafe. So bad is this that I cannot even be bothered to think of anything funny to write, so I'll just swear instead: Shite!!

Not much from the Crazy house this week, nor from Webster Hall, they better pull soemthing out of these this week otherwise we could get as bad as Eastenders. Which, in my opinion, has perked up a bit recently by the way...