October 25, 2005

The Twelve Trials of Kirkules

The girls in the factory are taking advantage of Bradley's weakened state by taking unprecedented liberties, like having the transistor radio on and (the horror!) working too slowly. McBarlow tries to deal with them but they quite understandably laugh in his terribly acted and bewigged face, McBarlow has had enough and takes Bradley for a drink to tell him to get it together. He mentions liberties and things like that, Bradley takes it all on board goes back to the factory and lines them up, Tenko style, for a bollocking. During said bollocking he smashes the tranny on the floor (the radio, not Hayley), and Janice says, "How's the family Bradley?", Bradley immediately sacks her, in direct breach of the Employment Act 2004 by the way. Hayley is fully aware of this and pleads with him to reconsider, he doesn't so it is strike time!! They all march out on a wildcat strike (in direct breach of the Trades Union Act 1985), except Sally, who they then later call a scab and physically intimidate (in direct breach of criminal law and the Industrial Relations Act 1985) as she tries to cross the picket line. Any of you lot reading this thinking of doing any of the above have been warned!

A pitiful picket line is created, Bradley brings in scab labour to supplement Sally, and then Mike comes back, and he is not happy, he's even less happy when he finds out about the World's Least Interesting affair. By the time he gets into the factory he probably can't remember what he's pissed off about but plods on anyway, he tells Bradley he must sort the strike out. Bradley says no, and then Mike's terrapin like head extends further out of his shoulder shell and his eyes become all misty, he makes random comments about "mistakes" and how him and Bradley are "alike". He then tells inexplicably tells Bradley that he is his real Dad. Ruh-roh. Way to go genius, his world has already been turned upside down so you think it's a good idea to kick it down the stairs and out into the street as well do you? Bradley then totally nicks a line I could've used by saying that Mike had gone all Darth Vader on him. Bradley gets all "Grrrrr, smash" on the factory and Mike leaves, retracting his head back into his shoulder shell. Bradley tries to phone Frankie, she hangs up, he tries to phone his mum, she's not in (probably out shagging someone the hussy). He sits alone in the factory and becomes the fourth person in a fortnight to have his heart shattered into a thousand betrayed pieces. Amazingly I found myself feeling some sympathy for him, so credit to the writers for that one.

Gail and Phil continue to nauseate the nation with their potential shagging shenanegans. They have a night in together at Casa Carp and things take a turn for the minging as they begin licking each other's faces, Gail takes him upstairs but then panics at the thought that Phil may start coiffuring his hair and developing an Unconvicing Evil Stare. She sends him away. Gail: conflicted. Phil: warming up his right hand. Gail later tells him in the cafe that she thinks they should stop seeing each other as she cannot be intimate with a man ever again probably. Phil: back to the foot fetish porn. The nation: cry salt tears of joy. Unfortunately I have a feeling this will not be the end.

Taxilord has invoked the Seven Plagues of Gangster on Streetcars. His first plague is Intimidation of Employees, he sends Unconvicing Henchman Son to get into Clurr's cab and reel off a lot of cliches about "harm" and "lovely little lad, shame if he got hurt" etc and tells her to stop working for Steve. Clurr goes home and UHS follows her so he knows where she lives, in broad daylight, with about 20 witnesses to see him do it. Genius. Ashley sees him, his Maxime rage explodes and he lamps UHS and sends him packing. He then comes over all Danny Glover in The Color Purple and says "You will not drive that automobile again. You hear me Miss Clurry?!" She defies her husband and says, "The war on turrer goes on".

Later Taxilord pays Lloyd a visit, Lloyd is all "look mate I'm doing my best but your Missus is obviously fantastic in the sack as Steve won't see sense". Taxilord is not happy, and he calls Lloyd a "monkey" and maintains he should "go back to the jungle" at which point Kelly comes in and is told the same. The gloves are off now! No doubt we will now see a united front as all of Middle Weatherfield unite to defeat the Evil Taxilord. Fair play to Corrie on this one though, lots of soaps shy away from racism even in their most evil characters, so they should be applauded for having the guts to actually show it.

Les has asked Kirk to be his best man, but Cilla wants her oldest son to do it, so she devises 12 tests he must pass to be allowed the honour. BBC1 had the updated Canterbury Tales, Corrie has this gem as a reworking of Greek mythology. They also steal a Wedding cake. Laugh? I nearly did.

In other news (abbreviated):
BONG! Sunita, still pregnant. Dev, still and insufferable bellend.
BONG! Jack, sailing ancestor. No, me neither.
BONG! Ken & Deirdre, Ken drinking decaf now. (I can't believe that is an accurate plot summary, but it is)