In Which I have to catch up on about 5 weeks of plot...

Apologies one and all for the very long delay, a combination of holidays, a new job and tonsilitis have prevented me updating.

Since we last met the following has happened:

• Mike has gone to the great sewing factory in the sky. It was a rather abrupt end and frankly a bit shit I thought, especially when you consider the great buid up to it.
• This has led to myriad Bradley vs MacBaldwin spats over the will due to EvilBradley getting everything and Macbaldwin being given only a Toni & Guy voucher to get his barnet sorted out and about £60 in Luncheon Vouchers or something.
  
• Rersio and Craigiet have become non-goths, following Craigiet realising that everyone looks at him funny. That's not because of your clothes Craigiet, it's because they are wondering why a bloke would possibly have so many layers cut into his hair
• Jailhouse Becky has moved in with Kelly and Lister, and they are now trying to get her out: bag & baggage
• The Carp is continuing to receive cards from "Richard Hillman", in the the storyline that has no end, or any engaging features, other than watching The Carp go slowly insane obviously

writing that has made me realise just how little happens in this soap and makes me wonder just how I manage to write about it (sort of) every week. But anyway onto this week's update.

JBecky is non too pleased about being told to move out of Kelly & Lister's flat and is on the rob, stealing Blanche's purse, Sally's Engagement ring, and judging by this plot, the sense and credibility of the writers. The final straw comes when Lady McLeanne's purse in half-inched and Bradley gets all the girls to open their lockers, leading to the discovery of the loot in Kelly's locker. "Gasp!" say the factory, "zzzzzzz" say the viewing public as the full horror of JBecky's plan is revealed. The police come and take Kelly away ha-ha, and totally ignore JBecky even though she has a criminal record and in also stroking and white cat, wearing a powder blue safari suit and going "Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!".

In the station Kelly says she is framed, the police are having none of it and charge her. She confronts JBecky who denies everything whilst moving Kelly over the trap door to her shark pool. She also tells Kelly that her and Lister have been having an affair. Kelly: crestfallen. JBecky: mad, in an evil manner. Later on Kelly and Lister make up. Please God tell me this storyline is nearly over....


The Carp has found another card, this one was hand delivered and left on the Kitchen table. Meaning that the perp has been In The House! Whilst UTEDavid was upstairs in bed ill!! On inspection the card appears to have blood on it. She calls the rozzers to do DNA and all that stuff. PCs Gormless and Sexy turn up and dutifully take the card away. Jason comes in to change the locks and they decide to go to teh chippy for tea to cheer themselves up, what excitement! Whilst eating UTEDavid winces in pain from the salt getting into his paper cut. The Carp freezes as the full implications of such an admission hit her: this means that David will become a suspect and that this plot will last even longer than it has already. Kill. Me. Now.

Norris has started internet dating and has arranged a date with a woman whose name a cannot remember, but she looks like a Pig in Knickers. Whilst they are out, Rita decides to go and have a toot round the flat, why is unexplained but it's probably something to do with her being a nosy old bat with no life. Whilst she is in there Norris and the Pig in Knickers return and she hides in the cupboard. Oh my sides! She is later discovered as the Pig in Knickers is leaving due to Norris interpreting "a weekend in London" as "do me in the naughty place", is shocked and throws her out. Norris: Angry. Rita: Sorry. They later are friends again and confesses that he is frightened of intimacy with the Pig In Knickers due to his being gay two failed marriages.


Craigiet has taken a job at the Garage of Improbable Death, assisting Kevin. Warming to the lad he invites him round for tea, Sally is pissed off about it and tells Kevin in a very grown up manner and he has to cook. Craig turns up and brigns flowers and wine, leading Sally to thaw a bit. Watch it Craig, with her track record she'll be jumping your bones for the sex within a month.

Roy's Rolls has been shut by Environmental Health, they clean it up and it then gets re-opened, in the meantime he has fallen out with Vera.

In Other News:
BONG! Fred and WBBev are making wedding plans
BONG! Some Godawful plot about Claire and smoking.