August 23, 2005

Gailzilla vs Eileenatron

It looks like the the writers have been given their brains back as the summer draws to a close as things have picked up a bit in the last week, and heavens be praised, it looks like the Darth Builder/Shelley storyline is entering endgame.

So to Darth Towers first we go. Fed up with Shelley's aversion to the beast with two backs, Darth gets himself a woman and takes her in the backroom to canoodle, Shelley figures out what is going on due to the noises coming from the room: "ooh" "aaah" and Darth saying "Can I wee on you please?". Shelley rumbles him, but due to the seemingly endless months of Jedi Darkside head-fuck that she has been submitted to cannot bring herself to have a proper word with Darth. Shelley: Sad. Darth: Put your clothes on love, you're taxi's here.

Next day Darth has once again convinced Shelley it is her fault that he had to find another woman to go wee-wee on and she he's offski. Shelley watches him go, tries to follow him, gets frightened again etc etc. Darth comes back eventually on the proviso that she goes to see the doctor, and no doubt accepts the wee wee as well. The doctor basically says, "Well love there's nothing I can do because you are basically a total basket case, and no amount of Amoxicillin can sort that out. So I recommend you get your head felt".

Darth books a session with a shrink, who turns out to be Finchy from the Office. Dr Finchy insists that he be left alone with his patient, no doubt so he can get her to bend over so he can say "While yer down there love". Darth is not happy about this arrangement, as his Dark powers cannot work through walls, but he must agree as Dr Finchy can throw a shoe over a pub.
The counselling goes well, and Violet later lets slip that Dr Finchy is coming back to help shelly go outside. On hearing this a dark cloud forms over Darth's head and her retreats into his private room to watch videos of road accidents and torture. Darth: Not Happy. Shelley: On the road back. This storyline: Nearly over. The Nation: cries salt tears of joy

Gailzilla vs Eileenatron II: The Battle of the Reflexologist, has commenced. This looks like this is going to be brilliant and I'm sure we all agree that the wonderful Eileen must beat Carpface in this one. Phil, the said reflexologist, has started in the Health Centre and he is played by that tall Scottish bloke that always prompts people to say "oooooo, what's he been in 'im?".

Anyway, Gail spots him first and fancies a bit of his sauce, Eileen than spots him in the street and fancies a bit of his sauce. This is the Corrie equivalent of the shooting of Franz Ferdinand in laying the foundations for an all consuming, devastating war! Gail tells Eileen that there are no appointments to see Phil, but then Eileen organises a home visit with him, timed immediatly after his home visit to Gail. Gail offers Phil dinner after her treatment, he says "Sorry love I don't eat worms, plankton or groundbait, and anyway I have to go". She then watches him cross the road to Eileen's, who shoots a fabulous "have that you bitch" look across the street. Gail: Angry. The Nation: Go Eileen! Go Eileen! Phil says "you have spaectacular feet", Eileen "thanks, you should see my fanny".

Next Day confusion is caused by Phil's car being outside in the morning (waiting for an early MOT) at Webster's Grease Monkeys Inc. Sean and Eileen wind up poor feeble minded Jason into thinking that Phil stayed the night. Word gets to Gail, who is all"Whatever, never liked him anyway he's well sad, am I bovvered?". This pretence soon falls when she sees them together in the pub and all hell breaks loose following a trading of insults. Eillen tells Gail that her husband wanted to kill her to get away from her and Gail reminds Eileen that her kids haven't seen their dads. It was a draw that one I think, but thankfully there is much, mcuh more to come.

Jack and Vera are separated, they pridictably but rather sweetly get back together at Southport on their anniversary.

Candice has found out that Adam is going to be rich and so no longer sees him as a lad with a shit haircut, she sees him as a giant pound sign with a shit haircut. Classy work girl.

In other news (abbreviated):

BONG! Keith, Audrey, date. NEXT!
BONG! Emily, niece, gone home. Is there a point to this by the way?
BONG! Sean, Tim, love-rat/not love-rat?
BONG! Rita, dead, mistake, Norris unhappy.

That's all folks

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