May 24, 2006

In Which the Card Plot Finally Ends....

At Casa Carp, The Carp is still mulling over the UTEDavid/paper cut/blood on card Triangulation of Obviousness, and decides to set him a trap of such cunning you stick a tail on it and call it a fox. This is not before she discussed it with Audragh, who tells her something like "reallargh Gail, ahm serpriiiiiiiiizzed yer could think such a thing honestlargh", which I think means she disagrees with The Carp. Anyway, The Carp tells UTEDavid that Friday is Richard's birthday and that no-one knows about it apart from PPPhil, and she hopes another card doesn't turn up. UTE falls for it, there is much to-ing and fro-ing on the day the card is meant to arrive and after an interminable period of non-suspense Keith gives Carp the card that has been wrongly delivered to his house. The Carp then knows it is David and she weeps as the nation cries salt tears of joy, for this inadequate plot hath reached its devastatingly underwhelming conclusion.

The Carp shouts a lot at him, along the basic lines of "Why? Why? In the name of God why?" David says it was a joke that got out of hand. For future reference Davy boy, a joke getting out of hand is something like putting too many "Kick Me" stickers on a person's back, NOT a 6 month long campaign of mail that induces anguish and depression for the viewing public your mum. Sarah and Audreh are a lot less forgiving and give him a good pasting when they see him.

However by this time The Carp is starting to think that it is Not His Fault as he has been through a lot and his Dad has moved to the other side of the country (eh? He's in Liverpool, approximately 45mins - 1 hour on the train..). To complicate matters, the Police turn up to tell her that they have arrested PPPhil, for some reason it isn't PCs Gormless & Sexy it's some bald bloke. The Carp says she wants to drop her complaint, when the rozzer asks why she says "look over there!" and runs off, sort of. She however reconsiders and goes down the copshop to confess all, PC Baldy then takes David into a room and makes him think he is going to be arrested and then bottom-raped in prison by a young Ray Winstone type, but then lets him off. Later at the table over a chippy tea, The Carp says that no-one is to ever mention what has happened other than to say "The Incident of Which We Do Not Speak" or something. David goes to his room. THE END.

Dev has resurfaced, and it turns out that SunitaAAAaa! is moving into his house and he is moving back above the shop. This pleases him, as he reckons that once she is in the house she will realise that she misses him and wants him back. Yes I can just see her sat in her brand new house with her children, gazing into their beautiful garden and thinking "What I really need in here is a random shouting, oleaginous prick who I hate." Dev: Deluded. Also Amber has turned up again, who is a brilliant character by the way, as her mum and stepdad want to move to Iceland, and she doesn't mean change supermarkets. Amber reasonably asks to live me him, but he is too busy with his oily delusions about Sunita to listen. Amber: sad.

Frankie goes to see EvilBradley in the factory to talk turkey about the divorce, in the end he gives her the villa in Spain after trying to get back with her about 37 times during the conversation. She looked really hot in her power suit though so I don't blame him. Lady McLeanne is not happy, but is won round with talk of holidays and money etc. Frankie then goes and gets bladdered with the girls, and it must be said that Corrie always does those "girls night out" scenes very well IMO.

The woeful Kelly storyline continues as the factory workers get her job back. There is a lot of "to plead ot not to plead" going on and there is still no sign of Master Criminal Becky to get her off the hook. If you can find a modern and imposing looking building on a platform in the middle of the Indian Ocean complete with helipad, shark pool, and World Domination Office, my money is she'll be there. Anyway she is in court this week and I am waiting totally unabated breath for the outcome.

Unfortunately, the Dr Matt Hamsden plot has come up for breath again, leading to more shots of Ashley looking like he is touching cloth.

And before you say it, yes Corrie is a bit shit at the moment...

In other news:
BONG! Rita wants to move back into her flat.

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