It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you all that I will no longer be updating Corrie Commentary. A combination of a new job, more stuff happening in the evenings, a young family, and wanting a life in between means that I am not seeing Corrie enough to write about it. If I do see it I don't have the time to write copy good enough to do the blog justice, and the last thing I would want is to plough on and people to stop enjoying it because I'm not committed to it.
Better to burn out than to fade away and all that...
Thanks to everyone who has read it in the last year, it will still be here if you want to dip into the archive, and thanks to everyone who left very kind comments on here abot my writing.
Cheers,
Lee
June 19, 2006
May 24, 2006
In Which the Card Plot Finally Ends....
At Casa Carp, The Carp is still mulling over the UTEDavid/paper cut/blood on card Triangulation of Obviousness, and decides to set him a trap of such cunning you stick a tail on it and call it a fox. This is not before she discussed it with Audragh, who tells her something like "reallargh Gail, ahm serpriiiiiiiiizzed yer could think such a thing honestlargh", which I think means she disagrees with The Carp. Anyway, The Carp tells UTEDavid that Friday is Richard's birthday and that no-one knows about it apart from PPPhil, and she hopes another card doesn't turn up. UTE falls for it, there is much to-ing and fro-ing on the day the card is meant to arrive and after an interminable period of non-suspense Keith gives Carp the card that has been wrongly delivered to his house. The Carp then knows it is David and she weeps as the nation cries salt tears of joy, for this inadequate plot hath reached its devastatingly underwhelming conclusion.
The Carp shouts a lot at him, along the basic lines of "Why? Why? In the name of God why?" David says it was a joke that got out of hand. For future reference Davy boy, a joke getting out of hand is something like putting too many "Kick Me" stickers on a person's back, NOT a 6 month long campaign of mail that induces anguish and depression forthe viewing public your mum. Sarah and Audreh are a lot less forgiving and give him a good pasting when they see him.
However by this time The Carp is starting to think that it is Not His Fault as he has been through a lot and his Dad has moved to the other side of the country (eh? He's in Liverpool, approximately 45mins - 1 hour on the train..). To complicate matters, the Police turn up to tell her that they have arrested PPPhil, for some reason it isn't PCs Gormless & Sexy it's some bald bloke. The Carp says she wants to drop her complaint, when the rozzer asks why she says "look over there!" and runs off, sort of. She however reconsiders and goes down the copshop to confess all, PC Baldy then takes David into a room and makes him think he is going to be arrested and then bottom-raped in prison by a young Ray Winstone type, but then lets him off. Later at the table over a chippy tea, The Carp says that no-one is to ever mention what has happened other than to say "The Incident of Which We Do Not Speak" or something. David goes to his room. THE END.
Dev has resurfaced, and it turns out that SunitaAAAaa! is moving into his house and he is moving back above the shop. This pleases him, as he reckons that once she is in the house she will realise that she misses him and wants him back. Yes I can just see her sat in her brand new house with her children, gazing into their beautiful garden and thinking "What I really need in here is a random shouting, oleaginous prick who I hate." Dev: Deluded. Also Amber has turned up again, who is a brilliant character by the way, as her mum and stepdad want to move to Iceland, and she doesn't mean change supermarkets. Amber reasonably asks to live me him, but he is too busy with his oily delusions about Sunita to listen. Amber: sad.
Frankie goes to see EvilBradley in the factory to talk turkey about the divorce, in the end he gives her the villa in Spain after trying to get back with her about 37 times during the conversation. She looked really hot in her power suit though so I don't blame him. Lady McLeanne is not happy, but is won round with talk of holidays and money etc. Frankie then goes and gets bladdered with the girls, and it must be said that Corrie always does those "girls night out" scenes very well IMO.
The woeful Kelly storyline continues as the factory workers get her job back. There is a lot of "to plead ot not to plead" going on and there is still no sign of Master Criminal Becky to get her off the hook. If you can find a modern and imposing looking building on a platform in the middle of the Indian Ocean complete with helipad, shark pool, and World Domination Office, my money is she'll be there. Anyway she is in court this week and I am waiting totally unabated breath for the outcome.
Unfortunately, the Dr Matt Hamsden plot has come up for breath again, leading to more shots of Ashley looking like he is touching cloth.
And before you say it, yes Corrie is a bit shit at the moment...
In other news:
BONG! Rita wants to move back into her flat.
The Carp shouts a lot at him, along the basic lines of "Why? Why? In the name of God why?" David says it was a joke that got out of hand. For future reference Davy boy, a joke getting out of hand is something like putting too many "Kick Me" stickers on a person's back, NOT a 6 month long campaign of mail that induces anguish and depression for
However by this time The Carp is starting to think that it is Not His Fault as he has been through a lot and his Dad has moved to the other side of the country (eh? He's in Liverpool, approximately 45mins - 1 hour on the train..). To complicate matters, the Police turn up to tell her that they have arrested PPPhil, for some reason it isn't PCs Gormless & Sexy it's some bald bloke. The Carp says she wants to drop her complaint, when the rozzer asks why she says "look over there!" and runs off, sort of. She however reconsiders and goes down the copshop to confess all, PC Baldy then takes David into a room and makes him think he is going to be arrested and then bottom-raped in prison by a young Ray Winstone type, but then lets him off. Later at the table over a chippy tea, The Carp says that no-one is to ever mention what has happened other than to say "The Incident of Which We Do Not Speak" or something. David goes to his room. THE END.
Dev has resurfaced, and it turns out that SunitaAAAaa! is moving into his house and he is moving back above the shop. This pleases him, as he reckons that once she is in the house she will realise that she misses him and wants him back. Yes I can just see her sat in her brand new house with her children, gazing into their beautiful garden and thinking "What I really need in here is a random shouting, oleaginous prick who I hate." Dev: Deluded. Also Amber has turned up again, who is a brilliant character by the way, as her mum and stepdad want to move to Iceland, and she doesn't mean change supermarkets. Amber reasonably asks to live me him, but he is too busy with his oily delusions about Sunita to listen. Amber: sad.
Frankie goes to see EvilBradley in the factory to talk turkey about the divorce, in the end he gives her the villa in Spain after trying to get back with her about 37 times during the conversation. She looked really hot in her power suit though so I don't blame him. Lady McLeanne is not happy, but is won round with talk of holidays and money etc. Frankie then goes and gets bladdered with the girls, and it must be said that Corrie always does those "girls night out" scenes very well IMO.
The woeful Kelly storyline continues as the factory workers get her job back. There is a lot of "to plead ot not to plead" going on and there is still no sign of Master Criminal Becky to get her off the hook. If you can find a modern and imposing looking building on a platform in the middle of the Indian Ocean complete with helipad, shark pool, and World Domination Office, my money is she'll be there. Anyway she is in court this week and I am waiting totally unabated breath for the outcome.
Unfortunately, the Dr Matt Hamsden plot has come up for breath again, leading to more shots of Ashley looking like he is touching cloth.
And before you say it, yes Corrie is a bit shit at the moment...
In other news:
BONG! Rita wants to move back into her flat.
May 17, 2006
In Which I have to catch up on about 5 weeks of plot...
Apologies one and all for the very long delay, a combination of holidays, a new job and tonsilitis have prevented me updating.
Since we last met the following has happened:
JBecky is non too pleased about being told to move out of Kelly & Lister's flat and is on the rob, stealing Blanche's purse, Sally's Engagement ring, and judging by this plot, the sense and credibility of the writers. The final straw comes when Lady McLeanne's purse in half-inched and Bradley gets all the girls to open their lockers, leading to the discovery of the loot in Kelly's locker. "Gasp!" say the factory, "zzzzzzz" say the viewing public as the full horror of JBecky's plan is revealed. The police come and take Kelly away ha-ha, and totally ignore JBecky even though she has a criminal record and in also stroking and white cat, wearing a powder blue safari suit and going "Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!".
In the station Kelly says she is framed, the police are having none of it and charge her. She confronts JBecky who denies everything whilst moving Kelly over the trap door to her shark pool. She also tells Kelly that her and Lister have been having an affair. Kelly: crestfallen. JBecky: mad, in an evil manner. Later on Kelly and Lister make up. Please God tell me this storyline is nearly over....
The Carp has found another card, this one was hand delivered and left on the Kitchen table. Meaning that the perp has been In The House! Whilst UTEDavid was upstairs in bed ill!! On inspection the card appears to have blood on it. She calls the rozzers to do DNA and all that stuff. PCs Gormless and Sexy turn up and dutifully take the card away. Jason comes in to change the locks and they decide to go to teh chippy for tea to cheer themselves up, what excitement! Whilst eating UTEDavid winces in pain from the salt getting into his paper cut. The Carp freezes as the full implications of such an admission hit her: this means that David will become a suspect and that this plot will last even longer than it has already. Kill. Me. Now.
Norris has started internet dating and has arranged a date with a woman whose name a cannot remember, but she looks like a Pig in Knickers. Whilst they are out, Rita decides to go and have a toot round the flat, why is unexplained but it's probably something to do with her being a nosy old bat with no life. Whilst she is in there Norris and the Pig in Knickers return and she hides in the cupboard. Oh my sides! She is later discovered as the Pig in Knickers is leaving due to Norris interpreting "a weekend in London" as "do me in the naughty place", is shocked and throws her out. Norris: Angry. Rita: Sorry. They later are friends again and confesses that he is frightened of intimacy with the Pig In Knickers due to hisbeing gay two failed marriages.
Craigiet has taken a job at the Garage of Improbable Death, assisting Kevin. Warming to the lad he invites him round for tea, Sally is pissed off about it and tells Kevin in a very grown up manner and he has to cook. Craig turns up and brigns flowers and wine, leading Sally to thaw a bit. Watch it Craig, with her track record she'll be jumping your bones for the sex within a month.
Roy's Rolls has been shut by Environmental Health, they clean it up and it then gets re-opened, in the meantime he has fallen out with Vera.
In Other News:
BONG! Fred and WBBev are making wedding plans
BONG! Some Godawful plot about Claire and smoking.
Since we last met the following has happened:
- Mike has gone to the great sewing factory in the sky. It was a rather abrupt end and frankly a bit shit I thought, especially when you consider the great buid up to it.
- This has led to myriad Bradley vs MacBaldwin spats over the will due to EvilBradley getting everything and Macbaldwin being given only a Toni & Guy voucher to get his barnet sorted out and about £60 in Luncheon Vouchers or something.
- Rersio and Craigiet have become non-goths, following Craigiet realising that everyone looks at him funny. That's not because of your clothes Craigiet, it's because they are wondering why a bloke would possibly have so many layers cut into his hair
- Jailhouse Becky has moved in with Kelly and Lister, and they are now trying to get her out: bag & baggage
- The Carp is continuing to receive cards from "Richard Hillman", in the the storyline that has no end, or any engaging features, other than watching The Carp go slowly insane obviously
JBecky is non too pleased about being told to move out of Kelly & Lister's flat and is on the rob, stealing Blanche's purse, Sally's Engagement ring, and judging by this plot, the sense and credibility of the writers. The final straw comes when Lady McLeanne's purse in half-inched and Bradley gets all the girls to open their lockers, leading to the discovery of the loot in Kelly's locker. "Gasp!" say the factory, "zzzzzzz" say the viewing public as the full horror of JBecky's plan is revealed. The police come and take Kelly away ha-ha, and totally ignore JBecky even though she has a criminal record and in also stroking and white cat, wearing a powder blue safari suit and going "Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!".
In the station Kelly says she is framed, the police are having none of it and charge her. She confronts JBecky who denies everything whilst moving Kelly over the trap door to her shark pool. She also tells Kelly that her and Lister have been having an affair. Kelly: crestfallen. JBecky: mad, in an evil manner. Later on Kelly and Lister make up. Please God tell me this storyline is nearly over....
The Carp has found another card, this one was hand delivered and left on the Kitchen table. Meaning that the perp has been In The House! Whilst UTEDavid was upstairs in bed ill!! On inspection the card appears to have blood on it. She calls the rozzers to do DNA and all that stuff. PCs Gormless and Sexy turn up and dutifully take the card away. Jason comes in to change the locks and they decide to go to teh chippy for tea to cheer themselves up, what excitement! Whilst eating UTEDavid winces in pain from the salt getting into his paper cut. The Carp freezes as the full implications of such an admission hit her: this means that David will become a suspect and that this plot will last even longer than it has already. Kill. Me. Now.
Norris has started internet dating and has arranged a date with a woman whose name a cannot remember, but she looks like a Pig in Knickers. Whilst they are out, Rita decides to go and have a toot round the flat, why is unexplained but it's probably something to do with her being a nosy old bat with no life. Whilst she is in there Norris and the Pig in Knickers return and she hides in the cupboard. Oh my sides! She is later discovered as the Pig in Knickers is leaving due to Norris interpreting "a weekend in London" as "do me in the naughty place", is shocked and throws her out. Norris: Angry. Rita: Sorry. They later are friends again and confesses that he is frightened of intimacy with the Pig In Knickers due to his
Craigiet has taken a job at the Garage of Improbable Death, assisting Kevin. Warming to the lad he invites him round for tea, Sally is pissed off about it and tells Kevin in a very grown up manner and he has to cook. Craig turns up and brigns flowers and wine, leading Sally to thaw a bit. Watch it Craig, with her track record she'll be jumping your bones for the sex within a month.
Roy's Rolls has been shut by Environmental Health, they clean it up and it then gets re-opened, in the meantime he has fallen out with Vera.
In Other News:
BONG! Fred and WBBev are making wedding plans
BONG! Some Godawful plot about Claire and smoking.
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