November 15, 2005

Dev and Debacle

Apropos of nothing, after being out of the main plotting for about 6 months, Dev and Sunita have floated to the top of the Corrie pile this week like a turd in a Royal Doulton. And, just like you can't polish a turd, you cannot polish this storyline in any way. Here goes.

One of Dev's workers, Ravinder, has splintered her fetlock or something, and so her teenage female offspring, Amber, must come and stay at Dev and Sunitas' place. Dev is not happy and enganges in plenty of RANdom sHOUTing about the whole thing. This seems odd, but all will soon become clear, it won't make any sense mind you but it will become clear. Sunita takes Amber back to her flat to await the return of Ravinder and spies a picture of Dev, looking just like Lou Bega of Mambo Number 5 fame, with Ravinder on the fridge. Sunita looks perplexed, and later questions Dev about it who says, "Photo? eh? look over there!" and runs off.

Unhappy with such a response Sunita goes to see Ravinder on the Fetlockology Ward to demand The Truth! Ravinder says "You can't handle the truth! But ask Dev anyway not me". Sunita insists and she confesses that Amber is indeed Dev's child, she then adds "and you might want to have a word with the woman who works in Gorton, oh and the woman who works in Radcliffe, oh and I've got another kid with him as well. But don't worry about the Wigan shop, even Dev wouldn't stoop that low". Sunita: the 5th person in a month to have her heart broken into a thousand betrayed pieces.

Sunita confronts Dev about the Harem of Improbability and he randomly shouts "I was GOIng to TELL you bUT onLY after THe bABIes were born, and ANYWAy hOW was I to KNOW thaT the wRITERS would come up WITH someTHing so bloody STUPID?!" Sunita is having none of it and tells him that it is all over etc etc, liar yadda yadda. In the end some other woman walks in with a baby that is Dev's and Sunita weeps the tears of the betrayed.

I like Sunita, but I cannot feel sorry for her in this, because the storyline is just far too stupid to be taken remotely seriously enough to elicit an emotional response. Shame on you Corrie, I know that Dev Actor Man made it impossible to keep him in the show, but really is this the best you can do? Or is it Sunita that is leaving? Either way it was shite, NEXT!

There is obviously something in the water at Casa Carp as Gail and Sarah are clearly on heat. Sarah is going for Jason in a ruthless manner, making him come round to check the lighting and saying things like "ooh it's high voltage, you'll get a shock with what I can do" and "can you please put your lump hammer right up my foof" or words to that affect anyway. Jason is resisting at the moment, but it is making him feel bad and his poor puny brain cannot cope with it and he is making strange with Violet as a result. Jason: Horny but trying. Sarah: strumpet.

I'm sorry to have to recap what Gail & Phil have been up to as I am sure we have all had enough sleepless nights over it already, but I must try to be professional and give and account. Since Martin has gone to Liverpool with his loopy missus, David has pointed out to Gail that she is a sad act who is all alone and all that. Gail inexplicably takes his advice on board rather than pasting him and sending him to his room, and contacts Phil again. They go out to the Pizza Place, and Phis says, "I'm not ordering food until you tell me what's going on!"
"Well, David told me I need to help myself a bit more"
"Which means?"
"I want your caber in my foof"
Phil pours the wine faster than you can say french letter.

They get back to the house and Gail invites him in for coffee, and they make some more innuendo about being up all night. The nation as one grip their sickbags tighter. They go inside and start licking each other's faces as at every home in the land the vomit flows....

Next day Gail has her simpering face on as she tells her mother and daughter about the fabulous seeing to she had the night before. I repeat that this is to her mother and daughter. Audrey is pleased for her, Sarah decides to recdouble her efforts with Jason as being beaten at sex by your carpfaced mother is a poor show.

Janice is stirring it in the factory as the workforce now know about the true nature Bradley's parentage due to McBarlow telling them. Sean in fact even calls him McBarlow at one point which was cool, maybe he's a fan of the blog. Bradley attacks McBarlow who has the smuggest smirk on his face ever and the fight is broken up. Janice's Metal Mickey-like head has a satisfied look upon it and at this point I could quite easily sanction a hitman to kill both her and McBarlow without losing any sleep, not including what I'm already losing thinking about Gail's orgasm face obviously.

In other News (abbreviated):

BONG! Lloyd, Kelly, other woman, no I don't care either
BONG! Websters, something about new trainers
BONG! Liz Taylorette, sober, Janice, kicks her off the wagon. janice: EVIL

No comments: