I'm Just a Teenage Dirtbag, Baby.

Can I first say that having looked into it I can confirm that this is the worst week of Corrie since records began, even worse than the Spider/Emily/Red Rec debacle. I can also confirm that Ernest Bishop is alive and well, my Uncle saw him playing guitar for Bob Dylan at the MEN Arena last week.

Sunita has sought the counsel of Shelley in her hour of need, who incidentally seems to have recovered from a 2 year mental mauling in the space of two weeks, without so much as one additional session with Dr Finchy. Way to go writers, confirming the stereotype that overcoming mental illness is simply a matter of "pulling youself together" and "getting real". Anyway, whilst she is there the Devmeister turns up in a fit of randomly shouted emotional turmoil and rage. "ThIS alL happENED YEarS AGO!" he semi-bellows "Don't puNISH Me fOR IT NoW!!", Sunita suggests he tells his Harem of Improbabilty his woes as she is in the not caring zone, and also she is going to abort his precious babies. Dev cries "NooOOOOoo, not the PREcious!" and runs form the Rovers.

Later Sunita goes around to see Dev in the Office and he does that thing all blokes do and offers her a seat and to make her a cup of tea and other things, it's as if we think that they will be so blinded by us being nice to them that they will forget the fact that we have splintered their heart into a thousand pieces. Sunita says, "Don't bother, I only came round to tell you not to come to the Rivers again, ever." Dev says "bUT we'RE talKING NOw aren't WE?", but Sunita has already left. She also at some point admits she is not having an abortion. I hopes she does, then Corrie could have a stab at The Godfather,Part 2:

"Oh Dev you are so blind"
"What do you mean?"
"I had an abortion Dev, and it was a son Dev, a son! But I did it because all this must stop, all this Indian, Random shouting THING has to stop!"

It would be worth it just to see Dev attempt Al Pacino intensity. I imagine it would involve shouting, randomly.

There is much more of this sort of stuff, but basically Sunita is applying for a Divorce because it is OVER, and Dev is crying over cots and baby things. Tracy winds Dev up about the whole thing and Deirdre is sympathetic and consoling to him. Great, that's all we need, the image of those two making the sex in addition to the Gail/Phil montage in our already poisoned minds. It's like visiting www.totalmingersdoingthesex.com/middle_aged

Mercifully the only sexual action coming from Casa Carp this week is from Sarah and Jason. He is working round there and she is once again making all kids of innuendo at all times, like popping home from the slaon at lunchtime to make him a sandwich, a vagina sandwich with extra boobie" or something, probably. Gail nearly catches them snogging and asks why Sarah is home, " I just came home to sit on Jason's jackhammer get some lunch" she innocently says, the minx. All of this eventually culminates in them having the sex upstairs a couple of days later, however David catches them and his ugly face breaks into and Ugly smirk.

David then decides to blackmail Jason in order to get money for Vodka Ice and Creme de Menthe. Jason pays up as he wants his Triangle of Horn to continue, but later changes his mind when David demands more money for some Laophraig 20 year Single Malt and a kebab, frustrated David attacks him but Jason holds off hid puny teenage attack with his strong "I can do it with 2 girls at once" arms. Gail later finds out, David tells her Jason started it, police called, yadda yadda. NEXT!

Liz Taylorette has hit rock bottom, has faced up to being an alcy abnd has checked into THe Wurzel Clinic. She spends most of the week doing a seemingly poor impression of Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas, the scriptwriters for some reason seem to think we care.

The Gothettes are trying to convert the whole of Weatherfield to vegetarianism. They are hatching plans left right and centre, firstly blockading Fred's shop until they are told to stop. There is a great moment as they discuss their next plans when the teenage boy in Craig takes over his principles and he says "can we just pack all this in and go for a snog?" Brilliant. They then get the pig on a lead for some reason and take him around the street. The words bottom, barrel, and scraping come to mind.

In other News (abbreviated):
BONG! Fiz, Kirk, Molly. to shit to even recap
BONG! Tracy, Nathan, can't make the sex, shit who cares?