November 30, 2005

Eye of the (Blind) Tiger

Corrie is continuing this season's theme of "shit", this week. However, shit is a relative term and compared to the other soap this week, Corrie's shit is actually good, if you follow me. I mean really EastEnders, do you not remember what happened to the last soap that tried to include lesbianism and gangsters? Here's a hint. Anyway I digress....

Tracy has decided to be horrible to Clurr, we are not told why, it seems to have just come from nowhere without explanation or backstory, like David Cameron. It begins with her making comments about Clurr having no friends, moves through a row in the Rovers and ends up with Ashley in hospital. If none of this interests you I suggests you miss this section, I unfortunately cannot as I have a duty to my public, who are probably already skipping this section....

Clurr gives Tracy a taxi ride home, Tracy refuses to pay as Steve is to blame for everything and so she should get free taxis. Little Amy has a cough and Clurr points out that it sounds nasty and that her friend's kid had a cough that turned into the Bubonic Plague or something. Tracy says "I'm sorry", Clurr says "Oh she's ok now", Tracy says, "No I'm sorry because I didn't think you had any friends." With wit like this around I bit Eddie Izzard is shitting himself. Anyway, later Ashley and Nathan are in the pub and the ladies turn up there is another row in which nasty things are said etc etc blah blah.

Next day, Nathan and Ashley meet up for their weekly homo-erotic sweating boxing session. Ashley tells Nathan that Tracy is an evil person with too many teeth, and is a character of limited consequence and importance in the current plotting, she however serves as an evil presence as a juxtaposition against the wholesome nature of the rest of the characters, and is also used to cause occasional stupid plots like this one that is about to happen. Nathan says she was "only having laugh". Ashley won't let it go, and continues "the good/evil dichotomy has been used in storytelling since the beginning of the written word, but was popularised more recently in the Star Wars films, with Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. Tracy, by the way, has teeth like Darth Vader's mask grill". Nathan has heard enough and smacks him one. He then shouts, "I told you not to push me! I fundamentally disagree with your analysis of the history of drama and the role played by good/evil, AND, Tracy is my bird!" Nathan then goes into the changing room and savagely beats the locker up. What does this tell us about him I wonder? Ashley is left crumpled on the floor like some squeaky voiced draught excluder.

Nathan later confesses to being a former criminal with anger issues to Kevin, Kevin says, "But growing up black in thatLondon you have to be a criminal don't you?". Nathan confesses to actually being a middle class lad who went off the rails. Fair play to Corrie, it would have been easy to have had him come from Stonebridge or Tower Hamlets, but at least they changed stereotype a bit.

Upshot of it all is that Ashley might be blind in one eye, I am impressed at how very little I care.

Bradley has set his sights on winning Frankie back as it is their anniversary, so he has activated the "overdrive" function on hi s "Cheeky Mockney Charm" machine. He releases a giant balloon off the top of the factory with "I love you" on it, she goes mad and says it has done nothing but embarrass her, however her eyes tell a different story.... He later pops round to work some more cheeky magic on her, she is jsut about to cave in when Wurzel and Liz Taylorette come in. Wurzel gets all "Grrrr, Smash!" and throws Bradley out, then chins him and lays him out. Fair play, hitting those gnashers must've hurt his hand. Bradley's advances are thwarted, but for how long? In other Baldwin related news, Mike is getting more forgetful and has forgot to bank a cheque that he forgot he was given. I hope he does this nearer Christmas and then the local rich man can foreclose on the business, then Bradley will try and top himself before being shown what life would be like had he never existed by his Guardian Angel - "there was no 5th series of Wheel Of Fortune Bradley, you were not around to present it.." Anyway all further evidence of Mike's creeping Alzheimer's.

The Jason/Violet/Sarah Triangle of Horn has ended as it is in the open now. Violet is upset with Sean for not telling her the TRUTH, she later finds out that Eileen also knew the TRUTH. She has to seek solace with Sunita and Shelley, past masters at the finding out of the TRUTH. Sarah now wants them to be a proper couple, Jason has a look in his eyes that suggests that he'd rather boil his own head, but agrees anyway as he is a builder of very little brain.

In Other News (abbreviated):
BONG! Trademan's Ball, Fred, Diggory, trying to find women to take
BONG! Kirk, Fiz, sorting stuff out. Molly: plotting
BONG! Les, Cilla, now properly married. Oh how we laughed (by "we" I mean "no-one")

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