December 06, 2005

Frankie my dear, I don't give a damn

Frankie is being told by Liz Taylorette that she must cut all ties with Bradley and make a clean break, what's her game then? Frankie for some reason takes the advice of a recovering alcoholic who hates her and tells Bradley that she wants a divorce. However she then thinks she may have made a mistake and pops round to see Bradley to give him another chance, as she realises she doens't want to end up like Liz Taylorette. She promptly catches him in the afterglow of the sex he has just had with Leanne. Ruh-roh! The thousand pieces that Frankie's heart is already in splinter into a further thousand pieces at the sight of such betrayal.

Frankie then turns to the demon drink, and proceeds to get plastered. Tracy spots a chance to be evil and invites Frankie to join her and Nathan, she then tries to set her up with Darth Builder. His eyes light up at the thought of another vulnerable woman to go wee wee on. Nathan, who obviously felt a disturbance in the force, realises that Frankie must be rescued and takes her home. Once inside Frankie passes out on the couch and Liz Taylorette leans over and says, "You sleep now, Liz will make it all better, and by better I mean unimaginably worse, YOU TEENAGE BABYSITTER SLUTWHORE!!!" . Cripes!

Next morning Wurzel gloats to Leanne that Bradley will only hurt her etc. Leanne decides that the best thing to do is to get together with him proper, Bradley agrees. Roadkill Relationship Alert! They decide they are "not bothered" what people think about them and later in the pub they sit together in a united front of not-botheredism. Wurzel and Frankie clock them and decide to leave, but bump into Bradley on the way out. He tells Frankie that Jamie had Leanne in her house earlier and that he told her she would end up a "pathetic drunken vodkawhore, just like Frankie and Liz Taylorette." Frankie: Upset. Bradley: Evil. Wurzel and Frankie go home and she calms down and they sit on the couch together saying how they mean the world to each other and would quite like to have sex, perhaps around Christmas time, for the ratings and the like. Liz overhears and pretends to hurt herself to get some attention. Passive-Aggressie and needy, not a very good cocktail in a mother Wurzel...

In other Baldwin news, Penny is worried about Mike ad his Amazing Forgetting Mind, and speaks to Bradley about it, Bradley couldn't give a shite. She also speaks to McBarlow about it, and then holds his face in her hands in and erotic and disturbing manner, for reasons I cannot as yet understand.

The Tradesman's Ball. (Warning! Includes non-comedy) Diggory pays Liz McCleavage to be his escort for the evening, nice. However, she then abandons him to hook up with Vernon, the drummer from the band, who used to be the market inspector in EastEnders, and looks a bit on the shifty side. Keith and Audrey have a row about a suit or something, I don't really know what happened as I was rendered blind by my own indifference. Fred and WBBev get on well and end up having a small face-lick at the end of the night, I've opened a book on how long it takes him to propose. Liz later sees Vernon on other dates and is all gushing and happy about how wonderful he is, this only happens in soaps when something truly awful is about to happen. Diggory also sacks her in a fit of fat and ugly jealousy.

Ashley is blind in one eye, there is an unitentionally hilarious scene where the doctor removes his eyepatch and he squeaks, "It's just blackness". Thing is I can't help feeling that if I were in the same situation I wouldn't really be bothered, I mean losing sight in one eye ain't the end of the world is it? Not like losing a leg, or a wife to an unconvincing murderer. I know he has to handle sharp knives in his work but so do pirates and they do alright with only one eye. Anyway, he spends the week being moody and full of self-pity, the nation spends the week full of apathy and boredom.

Tracy has moved from Peripheral Evil this week to larger role of Evil in the central plotting. She is cozying up with Darth and at one point offers to "share herself" with Nathan and Darth. Darth smiles and the idea of twos-up with added wee wee, Nathan however has had enough and finishes with her on the spot, calling her a "pretty girl but a vile, ugly, incosequential evil character with too many teeth". Tracy cannot believe the audacity of the man, we cannot belive it took him so long....

In other news (abbreviated):
BONG! Serphie, rough new cousin/friend, Sally: not happy
BONG! Chesney, sad about above development. (poor Ches)


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