January 03, 2006

It's Christmas Time, there's every need to be afraid.

The Baldwin Clan (minus Wurzel and Frankie, but plus Leanne) go to The Ubiquitous Clock for Christmas dinner, also in attendance is Sue Ellen with Tony Slattery, but on a separate table obviously. She later becomes very drunk natch and then starts having a go at Bradley, until the phone Wirzel, who turns up with Frankie to take the poor pissed-up wretch home. Bradley and McBaldwin are continuing to snipe at one another, in a very boring manner, then Bradleys mum turns up, I can't remember her name but she used to be in Eldorado. Anyway, Mike's Amazing Forgetting Mind kicks into overdrive and he asks where Harry is, cue slack-jawed looks from around the table, Bradley says "erm, he's dead Michael", Mike looks like a confused terrapin. he later leaves to go for "a walk" and is found by Wurzel in a foetal position outside the factory gently rocking backwards & forwards and weeping like a baby at bedtime. He says "I'm losing my mind", Wurzel says "No you're not". Mike says "But I forgot my own brother was dead". Wurzel says "What? You are totally gone mate, erm I mean you're just tired, now let's get you home and into a nappy". Mike now sees Wurzel as his saviour, and has put his number in his phone for emergencies. I predict that there are going to be Will-rigging shenanegins and Mike will spite them all by leaving everything to Wurzel, you read it here first. Disturbingly, I've started liking Wurzel recently, can I get a tablet for this or something? There is much more forgetting stuff that happens, including Proposing to Penny and then forgetting, but I'm sure you've got the gist now haven't you...

Steve and Ronnie end up at the Barlow's for christmas dinner leading to a frankly hilarious board-game scene that I would not do justice recounting here.

Sue Ellen has fallen off the wagon and into a giant vat of vodka and bitterness. She is upset that Jamie seems to like Frankie, we of course know that he fancies the pants off her. She takes every opportunity to have a go at Frankie to Jamie, in order to turn him to the dark side, he however is not listening and fantasising about Frankie's boobs. Frankie spends New Year's Eve with Nathan, flirting and generally having a good time, she kisses Jamie at midnight and he undoubtedly gets a semi-on, but it goes no further. He later ends up doing a runner for some reason, I must admit I missed this episode, so anyone who can fill in the blanks, feel free.

Rersio and Craig-iet is continuing apace, with the star-crossed lovers of Weatherfield bang at it and heavy on it. On New Year's Eve they spend the night in Keith's house, Rersio wearing a very lovely dress in my opinion, and end up making the sex after Craigiet tells her that he "worships her". Only teenagers could think that was good, an adult's Freak Alarm would be triggered immediately by someone saying that. Anyway, Sally catches them in bed and has a fit of Victorian style moral outrage about it and locks poor Rersio in the tower. Kevin shouts with a confused look on his face as per and threates "pastings" and the like. It seems a slightly hysterical reaction for Sally to be honest, yes they are underage but 1) they think they loove each other and therefore are giving their virg to someone very special, 2) they bagged up. In this day and age it's the best you can hope for I reckon. Sally then spends the rest of the week being in ans Extreme State of Rage and everybody in the whole world, especially after she fidns out Keith and Audrey knew about it, but were probably too busy making the sex themselves to care (ewwww!). Silly cow.

Also on NYE, Deirdre insists her and Ken go out and that Tracy must babysit for her own daughter. Tracy: not happy. Later on Darth Builder pops round and persuades Tracy to go to his place for spot of festive micturition, why she didn't invite him in I don't know, probably worried about the couch stinking of piss. Anyway she leaves Amy in BABY HOME ALONE SHOCKER! She returns later and all is well. I can only guess this will now be a regular occurence, until about mid Feb, when Amy will get out of her cot and try to cook chips and set the chip-pan on fire, which in the real world would then lead to care proceedings, but in Soap world will lead to Amy simply being given to Steve. ken and Deirdre return home after a vomit-inducing conversation about an "early night and a big bed" to find Amy and Tracy all snuggled on the sofa. Tracy is shaping up into a pretty good villain actually and her and Charlie are a great pairing.

In other Christmas news (abbreviated):
BONG! Les, Cilla. non-comedy borken cooker, deep fry dinner in chippy, chippy burnt down.
BONG! Clurr. Pregnant.
BONG! Fred & Bev. A couple - nearly.
BONG! Sean. wants babies. Violet, willing to be his breeding sow.
BONG! Ronnie, nicks £5k from Taxilord. Sees him in prison. Steve in danger.

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