January 11, 2006

In which over 50% of the plots are frankly rubbish

Rersio & Craigiet continue to suffer the Separation Of The Wanton, and are yearning for each other like the Charlie Kennedy and Creme de Menthe (allegedly). They manage to sneak a conversation through a window (can you see what they did there?) but are spending most of their time apart and no doubt horny as hell. They do get some time together later in the week at Keith's House of Sin and they wax about how "everyone must be really sad and unfulfilled as they have never known love like we knows the love of each other", or something. Brillliant teenage nonsense from Corrie here: no gangsters, no people being paid to shag children, no bald bloke who looks about 40. You know who I'm talking about! Rersio is being very well behaved at home as a smokescreen for her lascivious actions and desires, Craigiet is still looking sullen and tortured (apart from when he is on Soapstar Superstar where he looks cute and lovely).

In other Webster-related news, Serphie is being bullied do to a Severe Lack of Norks. Hayley manufactures her a padded bra with skills she learned in her transformation days. Serphie is a first none to chuffed at the idea that Hayley could understand her problems, but Hayley says "There was no-one more flat chested than me, due to being a bloke and all that", and Serphie realises that if the miraculous bra could make a fella have yaps then it must be a good one. All is happy in Webster Towers, I have a feeling it won't last...

Mike has become like the king of the Rohirrim in Lord of the Rings when he was in the control of Saruman and his own henchman, except Mike is under the control of his Amazing Forgetting Mind Disease and EvilBradley, but you get my drift. Mike throws Penny out for reasons I cannot remember (maybe it's catching), he then throws Adam out after EvilBradley uses his Malevolent Cockney Charm to convince him they are having an affair. Mike then says that he is going to write to Mark, his 27th, son to try and "sort things out", EvilBradley says "I'll post it for you mwahahahahaha!", he then symbolically screws it up and once again goes "Mwahahahahaha!". I'm assuming that GoodBradley is frozen in some Ice somewhere and that him and EvilBradley will battle it out in a scrapyard at some point, like that scene in Superman 3. EvilBradley does begin to feel guilty about what he is doing bu Lady McLeanne tells him to carry on, my wife reckons that it was Frankiwe that curbed this more horrible streak in Bradley and now he is without her it is running free. She may be right, or it may be that the scriptwriters are just being lazy and changing his character, you decide.

All is not well at Casa Carp. Ugliest Teenager Ever David, is stropping around and generally not being very nice to anyone, especially Phil. Whilst Gail is out they have a row over National Geographic Channel vs MTV2, Phil flips and picks David up and puts him against the wall, David looks terrified and surprisingly less ugly when vulnerable. Phil suddely catches himself on and puts him down, David says "ooooooooooooooo, you've done it now mister! When I tell my mum your haggis munching arse will be out of that door quicker than you can say Glenmorangie!". On Gail's return Phil says "I just shouted at him a bit that's all", Gail believes him and has a chat with David. David goes mad and says "I knew you wouldn't believe me, all you care about is getting backscuttled on a regular basis and not about ME!" Gail cuffs him one and David runs upstairs. Gail & Phil then settle down to watch Happy Families on the telly over a glass of wine whilst David looks through the bars on the stairs like some demented, bewigged John Malkovich.

Jason and Eileen have a row about Sarah, Jason threatens to leave, Eileen deosn't want to lose another son, especially one that stands a chance of giving her Grandkids, so becomes more accomodating with Sarah.

Emily has met a bloke called Ed at a Christian Indoctrination Cult Bible Group or somewhere, he seems very nice and is also making moves on Eileen. All will soon turn to shite soon though for Emily, I won't put the spoiler in here, if you want it then ask for it in the comments.

In Other News (abbreviated):
BONG! Maria waxes Tyrone. Oh how we didn't laugh.
BONG! The Barlows have a dog. It doesn't like Ken. Hilarity* as he ties to befriend it.
BONG! Liz & Vernon off on Cruise
BONG! Fred. Not gone on cruise. Tedious "we fancy each other but can't tell each other" storyline alert!!

* Utterly tedious and painful shite

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