October 12, 2005

Betrayal: The Aftermath

Frankie is sitting alone, staring into the painful abyss of pain and deception that her life has proven to be, inside her chest cavity she can hear the tinkling of the pieces of her broken heart. Bradley returns and tries to tell her that Leanne made all the running because she is, after all, a slag. Frankie is having none of it and dishes him out a serving of lumpy-head, this forces Bradley into a tactical change and he instead pleads with her not to tell Wurzel. "He's just a boy love, and you don't want him to hate his Dad do you ey?", Frankie doesn't let on what she is going to do. She acted the pants off this scene by the way, Bradley was just Bradley as usual.

On their return from Amshterdam, Leanne and Wurzel are buoyed upon the afterglow of their lovefest and are in a hurry to tell everyone all about it (their impending marriage, not the the sex in Holland obviously). Bradley heads them off at the pass, well outside the house, and tells Wurzel that he's been kicked out because Frankie knows about an affair he's been having, Leanne says "Does she know who it was with?", Bradley says "yes", winks and nods and puts his fingers to his lips. Wurzel is too busy being morally outraged to notice.

Frankie later confronts Leanne and tells her that she had better finish with Wurzel or else she will tell everything. Leanne says "Burrah love 'im!", Frankie throws her head back and laughs maniacally, " Love is a lot of things darling, unfortunately one of them isn't taking it in the naughty place of your fiance's dad". The storyline plods on in this vein for much of the week, Bradley is confident of using his crinkly charms to get back in with Frankie, but she rebuffs all attempts at Unconvicing Cheeky Cockney Charm®, and Bradley starts to realise that this could be it this time.

Apart from the above storyline, the silly season continues....

Gailzilla vs Eileenatron. This has become a bit of a whitewash, with Gail winning by miles due to the scriptwriters blatantly ignoring the results of the poll on this very site that proved that 91% of the public wanted Eileen to win*. Anyway CarpFeatures goes out for a meal with Phil, all is going well generally. Sarah isn't happy though, this is because she has a brain that can reason further than that of a Carp in spawn, Gail realises that she must talk to Sarah before she samples some of Phil's caber to make sure all is OK.

Eileen gets her revenge on Gail by pouring concrete into her footspa and cementing her feet in whilst Gail is asleep, she does not wake up. A footspa has warm sooting water in it, concrete is cold, coarse and full of alkali materials. I'll say no more about the ridiculous nature of this.
Gail cancels a date with Phil, at some point he gives her a firemans' lift for some reason I couldnt' work out, maybe she has a carry fetish. Gail talks to Sarah, they talk about Richard, Gail confesses that she can't even watch an advert for the Pru without thinking about Richard, and pensions now frighten her or something. Basically she uses the entire conversation to manipulate Sarah into saying "I don't mind if you make the beast with 2 backs with Phil". Can you imagine Gail's orgasm face? I'll leave you to pnder on that one.
*Actual people surveyed: 18

Gail is not the only one of the Platt Dynasty to be geeting a bit of loving these days with Ratface Martin getting himself a new woman in the guise of Robyn, the other mascot woman, who seemingly likes men who look like rats and have the charm and personality of a turnip. AS someone put it, "I suppose Robyn is quite pretty compared to Martin's last two. If you put Kaytay's haircut onto Gail's face you would have an identikit for the worst looking woman on the planet" (© shangalang, GU Talk).

After much to-ing and fro-ing that is far too boring to recount here, they end up back in Martin's flat. Robyn is wearing a frankly bizarre dress cum smock thing that looks like it is made of nylon flowery toilet roll covers. Anyway they have a "double meaning" conversation about sex alike to the one between Woody Allen and Diane Keaton in Annie Hall, except this one had no chemistry whatsoever and you keep asking yourself, "why in the name of blue fuck would someone who looks like her fancy him?", so not that dissimilar to Annie Hall on the latter front then really. Anyway, they go to bed we try not to think about it too much.

Steve has taken on a new driver at Streetcars , she appears to be a hybrid of Marilyn Monroe and Mick Hucknall and is called Ronnie. He obviously fancies her and so uses the oldest recruitment criteria in the book and employs her, Lloyd is not happy, Eileen is amused, we are soporific. Couple of days later a bloke turns up the office, he is a local taxi warlord or something and instructs people not to employ his wife so that she will be destitute and will have to return home to him, and they better do as he says as he is powerful man apparently. For a second I was afraid that we were about to drift into Eastenders Gangster Territory, then I remembered that the Corrie writers tend to understand good plotting and public opinion, and relaxed again. Anyway you can see where this is going, Taxilord's missus is non other Mickilyn Huckroe! What a gargantuan surprise. Lloyd tells Steve he has to sack her, Steve pulls "Why the Fuck is this Happening to Me?"™ face no 38, but agrees. He takes her for a drink and makes a decision to shag her instead, nice work fella! We await the outcome of this love/gangster triangle with spectaculary un-bated breath.

In Other News (abbreviated):

BONG! Cilla, ripped wedding dress, not happy with church. Non-comedy holocaust
BONG! Liz, toyboy
BONG! Violet, Jason, patching things up, ahhhhhhh.

No comments: